Organically Inclined

Watching my children go through the paces of trying to figure out who they “are” and what they are going to “be” in life has given me a lot to think about recently.

Of course, watching my children grow up, I have always harbored some secret desire that they were geniuses. That perhaps they would go to medical school or take on some other lofty endeavor. It’s funny that I’ve thought that way because I’ve done the exact opposite with my life. I didn’t finish college. I’ve done all kinds of things for jobs that people have thought to be quite crazy - like dogsledding, or being a writer.

I’ve never been what one might call “normal.” I’ve had regular jobs before - but they were always either temporary solutions to a monetary gap - or a learning experience. I have never intended to work in an office or at the same job everyday for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think that might be easier. What if I just stopped trying to be “me” and did things the way everyone else does them? What if I just got a job that pays decently and got up everyday and went there? My problem is that I don’t have a clue as to what that job might be. And when I think about it even more, I realize that I have been “getting up and going to work” everyday for the last 16 years. I have gotten up every morning, bright and early and taken care of my children - and created a career in writing. I’ve not only done exactly what I set out to do as a “job,” but I have been able to enjoy my life while doing it. In fact, rather than having two separate “lives” my life as a writer and mother are deeply integrated.

So, when my oldest son decided to leave high school, go to community college and get a job too, I shouldn’t have been the least bit surprised. And I have been outwardly encouraging and relaxed, but I’ll admit to harboring trepidation inside. There is a part of me that wonders if I did the right thing in raising my kids to think freely. Sometimes I wonder if I should encourage them to “play by the rules” as it were. Should I have made my children be obedient? Should I have “trained them up” so that they never talked back to me or only made choices I approve of?

As I sat talking to my oldest the other night, about politics and the upcoming election and whatever else…I realized that I did it right…at least with this one. While he may be a smart-ass, back talking pain in my butt who likes to annoy me by saying he’s not going to college…he is also an intelligent, gentle, kind-souled human who thinks about all kinds of things. He may not have a strong desire to be schooled, but he does have a huge desire to learn. And I am immensely impressed by that.

Is he obedient? Has he always done the “right” thing? Absolutely not. But I know many kids - even the so-called “good” kids - who haven’t done the right thing many times. When I am worried about my son’s future, I have to stop myself and think, “Can he be happy? Can he get along in this world without me?” And I know the answer is a resounding “YES.”

If attachment parenting has taught me anything through the years, it’s that children who are assured of the fact that their parents will always be there for them are much more willing and able to take on the world and be independent.