After reading (and watching the video) about Alex Barton being voted out of kindergarten by his peers for his Aspergers-related behavior, I was overcome with emotion.
I have an Alex too – and he also suffers from Aspergers. Over the years, I have let him go to school (although not anymore)…and each time I did, he suffered very similar treatment – often at the hands of adults.
Aspergers kids are often very social, at least in their own heads, and this is largely true of my Al. He believes everyone likes him because he likes everyone and unfortunately, that is rarely the case.
You see, before I knew Alex had Aspergers, I used to tell people (mostly teachers) that he “lacked the switch” that could turn on or off social appropriateness. He has never understood the difference between an indoor or outdoor voice. We have even told him on occasion to “please stop talking” and he still can’t. He has to finish the thought – and the thoughts are often very long.
He doesn’t “get it” when people are showing him that they don’t want to talk or “hang out” anymore and he has an almost singular-like focus on certain topics – for example, when he’s reading, you can’t get him to do anything else and whatever he’s reading starts to overtake all aspects of his life. The Lord of the Rings phase took forever:-)
He doesn’t know that it’s not OK to blurt things out in the middle of a play. Some people have told me that this is because I never taught him, but all of my other children remain quiet…with Aspergers it’s not always about not being taught, it’s often about being unable to see the point – or unable to assimilate the information.
On the other hand, while some Aspergers kids lack empathy, my Alex does not. He feels very deeply and wouldn’t harm a fly. In fact, he is becoming a good babysitter – as long as he knows that the focus is solely on his little brother and nothing else. He is starting to have a few friends who seem to appreciate his sense of humor, but he does lack the ability to see when someone else isn’t interested in what he’s “into” and just kind of steamrolls a person with it.
He also likes to, as my husband puts it, “doink” with things. There is always something in his hand that he is fidgeting with – a rubberband, a pen, a piece of rope, a stick, a coin – anything. And he almost doesn’t notice it’s there. When he doesn’t have anything to “doink” with, he twists his fingers and pulls at them.
He has often, at the hands of teachers and peers, suffered all types of “abuse.” They have removed him from classes, sent him away, denied him all sorts of things from field trips to recess. In fact, one teacher we had posed a similar vote to the one Alex Barton suffered (although it wasn’t quite as excruciating). When my Alex was 10, his 5th grade teacher had the kids in his class vote as to whether or not he could attend the end of the year trip – a trip he had been looking forward to for quite some time. Of course, the kids voted no. Somehow, my Alex “earned” the trip back – but what an awful thing to do – and because this particular teacher is so revered in my school, no one cared and nothing was done.
This wasn’t, of course, the first time such a thing had happened to Alex but it was the main reason I chose to homeschool him permanently. I’m tired of fighting for my children with public school “educators” and refuse to do it anymore. I will not subject my children to their supposedly learned methods, when I find most “teachers” to be nothing more than adult versions of the adolescents at school – looking for a way to be “cool” and “accepted.”
But I digress.
Autistic and Aspergers kids have enough on their plates without the people that are supposed to be their advocates taking sides against them.
My Alex is flourishing in a homeschool environment, has more friends than he ever did at school and is advancing well past his 6th grade “level.” He’s a kind, compassionate young man with a lot (a lot) on his mind. I hope Alex Barton finds the peace and friendship he deserves as well -whether at home or at school. His mother seems to be a smart, loving mother who is right on top of it!
G8trGirl says:
Oh, this is so sad! I recently heard a story on the news of another boy who was kicked out of CHURCH for the same thing. Or maybe it was Tourette’s… no matter, it broke my heart. Of all places where love, compassion, and grace should abound, one would think that church would be a safe haven for all of us, were all are accepted without judgement.
28th May 2008 at 4:06 am
G8trGirl says:
I Googled the story, the boy was autistic:
http://www.cathnews.com/article.aspx?aeid=7233
28th May 2008 at 4:10 am
Kia says:
Hi there,
I found you via an Asperger’s search on Blogher. I was very interested to read about your Alex, because my Little Man sounds a lot like Alex. Little Man has only been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and not Asperger’s, due to his ability to keep eye contact and to socialize. I think he’s definitely borderline though, because so much of what he does resembles AS behavior.
Thanks for sharing about your Alex. He sounds wonderful to me!
28th May 2008 at 4:27 pm
Pilar says:
How wonderful that you accept your son the way he is and focus on the positives, and how awful (but not surprising) that he had to go through such horrible experiences in school. He is a lucky boy to have a mother willing to homeschool him… Thank you for not letting your son be a statistic.
Your blog is wonderful, by the way!!
28th May 2008 at 4:59 pm
Paanchajanyadharaaya says:
thanks !! very helpful post!
28th May 2008 at 8:49 am