Organically Inclined

I was reading a post at Natural Fatherhood about positive discipline and permissive - or non-permissive parenting, and it got me thinking. He cites this quote: “The world is full of followers, but you’re not one of them.”- JL Glass

I started thinking about this quote in a different way.

We are pretty unconventional people. We homeschool. We are self-employed. We are anti-TV. We only own one car (which is actually pretty unconventional where I live!). We use cloth diapers and make our own salsa and tomato sauce out of tomatoes we grew. We don’t really care about money that much.

So, in turn, we have raised pretty unconventional children. But this tends to bite us in the butt once in a while. Like when our oldest decided at the age of 16 that he was going to move to Austin, Texas and live there by himself.

What were we supposed to do? Tell him no? Tell him that even though we had raised him to be a responsible, free-thinking self-sufficient adult, he couldn’t make this leap and go out on his own? He had already graduated from our humble homeschool. He knew what it was to get up and go to work and make his way in the world. And, by holding him back, didn’t I risk him becoming angry and going off anyway - without the comfort of knowing that he could always come home? Having been through that myself, I refused to let my own child ever feel that way.

So, we let him go to Austin. And he came home, humbled by the experience and more resolved that he would rather go to college first. But if I hadn’t “let” him go, he might have gotten into real trouble - or worse.

It is difficult to model an unconventional life and then expect children to fit into a classic societal mold. I can’t, myself, proclaim to enjoy my life as a mother/farmer/writer and then be upset if my children decide to not go to college and become doctors or lawyers. I can’t walk around town, nursing and wearing my baby in my own funky clothes and then get upset that my son decides to wear the fingerless gloves made out of denim with the safety pins up the side.

There is certainly something for teaching children about “time and place.” We have many discussions about being polite and understanding that while I may not mind if they swear once in a while, a lot of adults - especially out in public - will be offended by it. But I can’t expect my kids not to swear - first of all, because

I just don’t care that much. It just doesn’t bother me, and I think making a big deal out of it makes it a bigger deal. In fact, I hear more swearing come out of the mouths of kids whose parents do make a deal out of it (and go to school) than my own, who have never really had a ban on swearing.

My rule was always that you couldn’t swear at another person - you can’t tell your brother to “@#$& off…” but if you stub your toe and say “@*#&” then - whatever.

It’s a fine line, certainly, but I hope that while I may not have chosen to live my life like “everyone else,” my kids will see that I try to be polite and kind to everyone. That I truly love my life and wouldn’t have it any other way (except for that lingering dream of living by the ocean). College or not - that’s really all I want for them, to be truly happy and enjoy everyday of their lives.

http://naturalfather.blogspot.com/2008/09/its-not-called-permissive-parenting.html