I have been reading with much interest the news articles about Nadya Suleman, the woman who recently gave birth to octuplets and has six children at home. What I am most surprised about the articles, blog posts and comments to them that I read is how very venomous they all are to a woman none of us have ever met.
It makes me sad to think that these little children – who already have plenty of challenges ahead of them – will suffer because people don’t want to be associated with this woman. For whatever reason she had the children, (she says they were her last embryos, others say she wanted a TV show) they are here now, she loves them and needs to take care of them – so can’t we help her out a bit? I don’t begrudge her food stamps or medical care. I’m sure she’ll need all the help she can get.
The “greenies” (of which I consider myself a member) have come out en masse to enforce the overpopulation argument and propose that we start fining people for having more than two children. “Stop the welfare” they cry out. Let me say, I have never been on welfare and have no intention of being on welfare. In fact, I know a lot of single and married people with no children or only one or two children who are on welfare. Having a lot of children does not predispose a person to being on welfare.
I have found, through the years, that my finances remain about the same whether there are two children in the house – or five or six.
Mothers of many have remarkable frugality skills – something that everyone could benefit from in this economy. Further, while I agree with the fact that eight babies will produce more disposable diaper waste (if the mother chooses that route), one could hardly blame her. What is the excuse, then of mothers of just one or two for not using cloth diapers? I don’t see anyone railing against them for their ungreen behavior. The same argument could be made about breastfeeding.
One comment I read said that it was horrible that this woman found her identity through being a mother of so many. Why? Why is it terrible to claim your identity as a mother?
I do. I also claim my identity as a writer and a cook, but mothering is always first and foremost. In fact, I think a lot of kids would be better off these days if their mothers took their job as a mom more seriously instead of treating their children as another chore – like laundry.
It is this kind of judgment that has made the job of mother so difficult through the years – and so disdained. Being a mother is a job and to indicate that it is one I should not be proud of doing is hurtful and ignorant.
I have six kids (and one on the way). I’m not trying to get a TV show or a book deal (well, I have written books, but not about having a lot of kids). I just like having a lot of kids. I always wanted a large family.
Raising a lot of children together means that the children learn how to be a part of a small community. How many only children – or children with one sibling – do I know who will leave lights on everywhere, take a 20 minute shower, or wash one pair of jeans in the machine? Believe it or not – a lot. In such a case, one child uses the resources of five or six. Not very green, I say.
While I appreciate that as a whole my family might eat more than the average family, we try to do our part by growing a lot of what we eat. And we too, would like to use solar panels or a windmill for our electricity. I don’t know how much trash the Duggars (the family with 18 kids) get rid of each week, but we are huge recyclers and only put one bag of trash out each week. The rest is recyclable. There’s a lot of it, but it’s all recycled.
My children also know what it means to share space and share water. They are helpful with each other and some of the most genuinely nice people I know. And they always have someone to play or hang out with! I know so many kids who are so lonely. Just waiting until someone comes home from work to hang out with – and then everyone is too tired to do anything! It makes me sad.
Having a lot of children does mean driving a bigger car. I know the Duggars have a fleet. We don’t. We have one car, a GMC Yukon. It does use a lot of gas, but we try and make up for it by walking a lot and my husband takes the bus to work.
The thing I love most about having a lot of kids is: the kids. I just love having my kids around. I hope they will all stay nearby and have kids too. I want them all to have as happy a life as I have. Really. Having a lot of kids can be demanding and confusing and chaotic. But it is also the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.
Why should others have the right to judge how I enjoy my life? Sure, you may have only two kids, but is someone breathing down your neck looking at how many disposable cups you use when you buy coffee or how many bags of trash you throw away each week. Sure you might drive a Honda Civic, but if you drive 200 miles a week in it, compared to my 20 miles a week in my Yukon – isn’t our carbon footprint essentially the same?
If we all spent a little less time judging others (and I’m not saying I don’t have an opinion about a doctor who implants eight embryos in a woman who already has six children), and a little more time looking into our own glass (or plastic) house, we might find that there are things we can all do to help the planet and enjoy our own lives our own way.
Penny Lane says:
AMEN, Sister! Absolutely LOVE IT!
18th February 2009 at 11:45 am
Angie Cox says:
Preach On, Sister!!!!!! I COULD NOT have said this any better. You have so eloquently expressed my thoughts on this subject. Last time I checked, we still had a constitution that guarantees a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those rights are on shaky ground these days. Thanks for taking a public stand to support them.
18th February 2009 at 11:46 am
Josh & Anna Duggar - 09.26.08 wedding day | Organically Inclined says:
[...] NEW! In Defense of Large Families (again) and the Octuplet Mom… [...]
18th February 2009 at 2:12 pm
Sheri says:
I agree with the majority of what you are saying.
I think the biggest problem our society in general is having with Nadya Suleman is her method in which she is havning this family. I love big families. I have five children and I would have loved an even bigger one but it was not in the cards for me. It appears that Ms. Suleman isn’t trying to leave a smaller carbon footprint or even worried about how this financial burden is being taken care of. I can’t say that for certain- but appearances say a lot. The difference between you and Ms. Suleman is that you are home with your babies and enjoying them giving them care and love. She is out giving interviews and plumping her lips.
I love children and I pray that her children are given the love and support they need. They may not even have a home to be discharged to. I think the Duggars and all the families that are responsible with thier reproduction should be praised. This is how it was inthe olden days. Be responsible and teach your offspring to be as well. Someone needs to take Ms. Suleman by the hand and teach her how to be frugal and help her. Those children are going to need a support system. She will for that matter. We ( you and I) have loving husbands at home to give us at least a modicum of support. thank you for your advice on big families. I certainly am not trying to tear her down. I do however think there is a real problem there, and a mojor difference between or family structure and function. YOu are responsible and NOT asking anyone to give to you. You and your hubby are providing it.
Good luck with baby 7. I am very happy for you. Kids are so much fun!
18th February 2009 at 12:09 am
Jeanne of EcoLabel Fundraising says:
Here’s what alarms me. Yes, people should cry out about a doctor implanting that many eggs. I think it is necessary to put pressure on doctors that find that appropriate. However, the babies are here and everyone has heard the message loud and clear for weeks now. (Conversely, I’m amazed how the mother has had so much time to do all these TV interviews though. I would be by my children day and night.) Let’s get behind her and support her rearing of these children. How is giving her anymore static going to help the mental health of her as a mother? Her children need her to feel safe and 100% present for them. Quite frankly, the Grandparents need that, too. I am disturbed by the fact that these children, in time, will be able to hear all that was said about their entry into the world. Being a Greenie is spiritual, too. Loving your fellow mankind even for the flaws you feel they have. Let it rest, Media. Please, for the sake of the children.
18th February 2009 at 10:54 am
Crimson Wife says:
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I too get very annoyed by this belief that one has to have a small family in order to be “green”. I know so many families with 0-2 kids who have a lifestyle that is extremely wasteful of the Earth’s resources. Simple living is what’s crucial, NOT family size.
18th February 2009 at 7:23 pm