Warning: This is not an instruction manual as to how to unschool your teen.
I get a lot of questions about “how” I homeschool (which is the preferred method of thought about what we do) my oldest son, Matt, who is 15. I also unschool my almost 3 year old and 9 year old and my 11 year old will be coming home from public school soon. The newborn isn’t really ready for anything but looking at my chest just yet…although she’s getting there. And my 14 year old daughter prefers high school. Not sure why, but I don’t push it!
Matt has been in and out of school for most of his life. I always give my children the option to go or stay at the beginning of the year – and depending on what the school has planned for the year – or what they want to accomplish, they choose accordingly. This year, Matt has decided to leave high school for good – after giving 10th grade a month. He was fed up with the micromanaging and has decided instead to study philosophy, religions, politics and music. He also plays goalie for the school’s varsity soccer team. He writes songs, started a band and recently shocked the hell out of me by playing the piano by ear, something he’s never done before.
He does all this by himself.
I say this because I often hear from my friends that they can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have all of these kids at home, with a newborn, a farm to run and a writing career of my own to keep up with. But it’s not. I don’t have “school” at home. I do not ring a bell in the morning and drag all the kids down to the dining room table and then “teach” them for hours. If I wanted their lives to be like that, I would send them to school.
Instead, I usually spend my morning working on writing projects in the winter and farm projects when the weather is nice (and nursing) and helping Liam (the 9 year old) with his math or whatever research project he is working on at the time (Liam likes to research things). I do projects with Liam and Jack (almost 3) like knitting or spinning or music or housework.
Sometimes we go on “field trips.” Or we run errands. Matt usually helps me out with moving sheep or yard work (although he won’t be caught dead in the garden).
And Matt does his thing. Sometimes I suggest books or activities. But not often. He is his own person now. He is in charge of his own life. Now, that’s not to say that he’s completely independent. He still needs rides to practice and to his friends houses. He still asks permission to get on the internet or go out. And he’s still responsible for mowing the lawn once a week, washing the dishes after dinner, stacking firewood and babysitting his younger brothers once in a while – after all, he does live here and we all have to do some work just to make this large community of ours run.
But when it comes to how he spends his day, I only have two rules. Between the hours of 7 am and 4 pm, no one is allowed to watch movies (unless it’s a sanctioned documentary) or play video games (we do have a video game system that comes out on weekends or when friends are over). Other than that, do what you will. He can play his guitar all day if he wants. Or he can read. Or he can run five miles. Or he can debate politics on a couple of geeky websites he likes. I honestly don’t care.
And I’ll tell you something else. Matt has always been a kind, generous person. While he’s not always nice to his younger sister (who is 14 and not always very nice to him), he is good-natured and very patient with his youngest brother (who is not yet 3) and his newborn sister. He even helps his younger brothers quite often – although not always and not always nicely!
He has become much more “human” since leaving school. He is funny, thoughtful, respectful (most of the time) and much nicer to be around than when he was in school.
I think that once kids are shown respect by being allowed to direct their own lives, they stop being on the defensive all the time and realize that the world isn’t always “out to get them,” with extreme discipline and overreactions. But that’s just my little old opinion.
What Matt has learned, I think, is that what he thinks matters. And what he wants to do matter, whether it’s socially acceptable or not.
more homeschooling articles:
The Homeschool Social Life
Raising Unconventional Children
Finding the Courage to Let Children Be Children
10 Reasons to Criminalize Homeschooling
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